I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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