Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
