Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
