honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize