Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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