True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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