i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
