i may or may not be watching the land before time
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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