she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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