He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
