I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
