it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
