Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
