I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he thought i was a dude.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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