Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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