one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
