So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
