I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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