I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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