I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
