oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's great music for shaving your balls
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
