Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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