his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
