We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
