from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
