I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
