The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
