Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
