dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
