Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
