I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
