She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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