I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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