i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
