Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Boobs speak an international language.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
