so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize