Im at strip club and am horny
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
