I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize