I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
