I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
