oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
