I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
