Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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