last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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