I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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