I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
