If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
