Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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