honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
