So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
