Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
