Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
