If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
