omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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