Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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