If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize