he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
