On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
