my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
