once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
