if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize