How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
