And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
