I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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