oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think your dad took our porno
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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