I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize