Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
