I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
