I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
