the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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