cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
