yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
