Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
