this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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