hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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