operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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