So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
