TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
